Southeast Asia 2023
A round of applause for this entire region! I’ve had such a special time visiting Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, and Thailand over the past month and I want to share a little bit about my experiences if you will (well, you’re here so I assume you want to read about it 🙂). First off, I ended up here because my dear friend, Nancy, whom I met because she does a mean mani-pedi and and I continued to bond with her, invited me to come to her home in Vietnam with her. She didn’t believe me when I immediately said, “Sure!” I know she didn’t LOL. But when I showed her my ticket, she was as excited as I was and invited me to her niece’s wedding in Ho Chi Minh during the time we would be there (the wedding was amazing! Bride and Groom, beautiful). I decided to also tag on Laos, Cambodia, and Thailand since I’d be in the area.
Phục told me to tell you to come visit Vietnam!
Of the 8 cities I visited, Hanoi and Bangkok were my favorite. Hanoi was a big, busy city, but it was still pretty and green and it did not feel overwhelming like big cities can. I’m learning that what I’m interested in when traveling changes or gets more specific the more I travel. Right now, I am interested in nature and spirituality. That’s pretty much stayed the same for the last 3 trips I did, but it’s gotten more specific. For example, now, I’m more interested in the way that people practice spirituality, specifically the art that is used to help people connect with their higher power. Seeing marigolds strung together and folded in decorative ways to adorn spiritual spaces really excited me. In this region, the number of statues of Buddha were incalculable! It’s quite admirable. And, of course, the architecture for spaces of worship was breathtaking! Wats, stupas, pagodas, and temples (Oh my!) I could not ride past one and not stare at the structure until it was completely out of sight.
I experienced Southeast Asia during the rainy season. I love the rain and being in the rain, but if you don’t, I would not recommend coming at this time of year. Being in nature though, was magical in the rainy season because everything feels vibrant and more green (if that is even possible). From Halong Bay to Ninh Binh, to Kuang Si Waterfalls, to Phi Phi Island, to Khao Yai National Park. I can’t stress enough how amazing the natural world of Southeast Asia is. I experienced Phi Phi in the rain, which again, if you’re looking for a good photo, is not ideal. But to experience it in the rain was unlike any other experience I’ve ever had. BREATH-TAKING. I was soaked and liberated at the same time.
Mental Health and Travel
All the beauty and fun and FOOD (!!!) aside, it was not all peaches and cream (I cannot say that without thinking about 112 LOL). Of course, these bitches, depression and anxiety follow me everywhere and I had an episode during the trip that lasted about 2 weeks in varying degrees. Every time I travel, I experience a bout of depression. This time though, it was triggered by my OCD. This trip, my anxiety and depression centered around worrying that I was a problematic traveler (and repeated bank fraud and the government reminding me that capitalism has a tight grip on my soul and forcing me to either get a nonprofit job or be in student loan debt forever-that happened in the span of 2 days!). I try my best to travel ethically: not booking tours owned by big companies when possible, not buying souvenirs from those kitchy shops owned by Westerners, not exoticizing the people or culture, asking permission before taking pictures with someone in it, etc., but I’m still learning. I freaked out about the possibility of me causing harm to the point where I was paralyzed and didn’t want to do anything. It was hard to have a good time at the beginning of this trip. Honestly, I’m still working through it but I’m repeating to myself that I do the best I can and change as I learn. I simply can’t know everything, but my intentions are pure.
Because Western culture is glamorized and there are nuances in the way tourists from the West show up and benefit/harm these places, it’s especially hard when, for example, the locals might encourage me to wear traditional clothing for a photo or something like that and I have to refuse (cultural appropriation) or feel guilty (saying no to someone). It can get real messy. I think that is also why I refrain from doing a travel vlog or even in this blog I have not really written about the countries per se; I am writing about my experience there. That is because my experience is all I know. I cannot tell you what each country is like after only being here for a week or so. And more importantly, it is not my story to tell. Read authors from these places, talk to people from these places. Who am I to tell someone else’s story or place? Especially as an American.
Back to my mental health while traveling. Although it sucksssss ass to be depressed abroad, the sweet after the bitter is that you get that post-depression euphoria. At least I experience post-depression euphoria. It also allows me to learn so much about myself and to grow so much in such a short period of time. I think this is because I am faced with what I don’t like about myself or what I’m afraid of but then I’m able to figure it out (most times) so much quicker than when I’m at home. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I spent too much money to be depressed so I subconsciously repel it from my brain. Ha! If only depression were that much in my control.
More seriously though, I think I just have more time and less distraction to reflect. I have no one to really talk to (time zones prevent me from calling home as easily), but I also have no work or errands or other things that take space away from my ability to focus on myself. At that point, I feel so powerful because I learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable really quickly. Having depression and anxiety while traveling is really bittersweet because if not for it, I don’t think I would be forced to face the things that scare me or that I don’t like about myself. So once I do, it feels incredibly liberating and I feel like a new person when I get home. I have so much motivation and inspiration that I tend to thrive in the first few weeks of being back home. Plus, through journaling and painting, which I’m also able to do more of when abroad, I get more in touch with the Self. Every time I travel, I get better and better about this when I return home and try to remember the tools I used in these experiences abroad.
I don’t want it to seem like depression is this wonderful thing that “makes you stronger”. It does make you stronger if you have the energy to allow it to. But it’s not pleasant nor pretty and it can feel really lonely. As a solo traveler (and only child/introvert), I rarely feel alone even when I am. But when I’m depressed and traveling, I feel very alone. It’s the kind of depression that hurts in the throat and gut and doesn’t go away until you actively force yourself to make meaning and let go. I’m in the process of learning to let go now.
Conclusion
Mental health aside, this trip was overall, incredible. Language, or at least the English language, sometimes feels frustrating to me because I feel like the words for something positive are not powerful enough to describe how incredible some of my experiences are. “Incredible” doesn’t feel good enough, but it will have to do. One thing I want to leave you with is to just travel your way. So, ok, one thing I’ve always been embarrassed to admit (but I don’t give a fuck anymore), is that I am not interested in trying new foods. I do dislike that I am a picky eater, but I am no longer going to delegitimize my travel experiences because I don’t eat every traditional food that I come across. (I will try fruit though. And yes, I did try durian!) Food has never been why I travel and I don’t believe it is the only way to experience a culture. So leave me alone! Lol. My travel interests have always been about culture, namely art and spirituality. I’m starting to notice now that I am really getting into nature as well and most of my time spent traveling is usually in natural landscapes. (Love this for me!). And I’m still learning about what I like to experience when traveling- it keeps changing. I say this to say: find the thing you like and travel for that. Don’t have this pressure to see or do certain things because you feel like you have to. If you want to go to India for food and miss the Taj, don’t feel bad about that (although, I highly recommend the Taj!).
Be sure to check out more photos from the trip in the “Travel” page!
Southeast Asia has been great to me and I will love you forever. Big thank you to my friend, Nancy for encouraging me to come and inviting me to your home and your niece’s beautiful wedding. If any of you are looking for recommendations for Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, and/or Thailand, let me know. This region is magical. Just come!
In curiosity,
Meghan
